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Holiday Pairings with DBMSs & Datastores – Part I

Nov 26, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Database, DLBlog, Fun, NoSQL, Parody, WTF  //  No Comments

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving weekend in the US and the rest of the world is thinking about how much MORE WORK we are going to accomplish while our American teammates are stuffing themselves with Tofurky and mashed potatoes….what?…hold on…. Oh, right. Turkey and a box of wine that someone’s sister got for a great deal at a Piggly Wiggly last June and has been saving it in the trunk of her car for her boozy in-laws (that would be YOU!).

This got me thinking about what sorts of holiday beverages the rest of us should be pairing with our database management systems and datastores. I have to say datastores because some pretentious people data professionals insist that database means relational database. Of course, those of us old experienced enough know that there were databases long before Ted Codd had that wild road trip with his friends  Raoul and Dr. Gonzo and discovered  developed the relational model for shared data banks.

So while the Yanks are dipping into their third helping of candied yams with marshmallows on top, we in the rest of the world can be productive. But since we aren’t in the US no one will think us odd for supplementing  our work with appropriate hydration products. To help you out, I’m recommending holiday beverage pairings based on what data technology you are touching over the next four days. Four blissful days of the most productive work week of the year.

Comma Separated Values Files (CSV files)

Moonshine in Ball Jar. Chris Herbert.

CSVs were the original data hipster, before XML became cool. It was text. In a file. On a disk, with magnets, that spun around. Your data might be comma-delimited or length delimited…it doesn’t really matter.  It’s text and anything you want to do with it you have to do by hand. So obviously, these data formats pair well with moonshine, the homemade booze of choice in most of the US. This data could also pair well with bathtub gin, but only if the bathtub is clean enough. Typically not an option, therefore, for DBAs and most of the rest of us in IT.

Excel

For Excel I’m going to split the pairings based on vintage year of release.  Excel is the perfect candidate. Let’s not kid each other here: business are run on spreadsheets, not databases (Ed. – I don’t think you can say that Me:  It’s my blog and besides that I’m drinking, I mean sampling, all these pairings. In other words, I may or may not be drunk already).

That means that Excel is everyone’s real data storage solution of choice, so it pairs well with the common denominator beer of choice, Budweiser. It’s cheap, there’s always some in the fridge, and it works, for the most part. So for Microsoft Excel 2003 and earlier, this Bud’s for you. The working man.  The typing women.  Yes, you.

Excel + Power BI

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But with the release of Excel 2013 and self-serve BI via the Power…wait, hold on…. let me look up to see if it has a space or not…okay, there’s a space today….Power BI, Excel gets a bit more kick. Power Query, Power View, Power Pivot, Power Stuff, really. We’ll need the picante version of Budweiser Chelada. A chelada is beer plus Clamato. Clamato is tomato juice mixed with clam juice. The spicier version is Chelada Picante, so Budweiser + Tomato Juice + Clam Juice + salt + lime + chili peppers. Phew! I need an Excel slice and bad pie chart to show this. But I’m too busy drinking. This isn’t to say that Excel plus Power BI isn’t a great BI tool framework, but if it’s your datastore, you’ll need more booze in the morning. And like its primo the Bloody Mary, a Chelada makes for a great 7 AM meeting drink.

Oracle

Ah. Now we are on to the expensive stuff. Larry has to fund his yachts some way (Yes, that joke is getting old. But I’m drinking, so it’s okay. I mean sampling, so it’s okay.) Again, we need to factor in various versions of the Oracle suite (Presidential Suite, I should say) of products.

Exadata

For Exadata, I recommend Louis XIII Cognac. At up to 100 years old and about $3,000 a bottle, it’s older than Oracle, but the price point seems spot on for the work you’ll be doing and the rate you should be charging.  You are charging Oracle rates, aren’t you?

Oracle Enterprise Edition

For Oracle Enterprise Edition, nothing beats a XO Cognac. With hints of rose petals, tobacco and leather, it’s going to feel just like it did when you signed that license agreement on your date with the Oracle sales guy. (Ed. – I don’t think you can say that. Me: I just did. And I’m drinking. You, editor, have never had to date an Oracle salespro as part of your assigned project duties and these pairing samples aren’t going to drink themselves.) The good news is that this comes with fine Baccarat Crystal glasses (aff link). They are free, until you use them. After you use them, of course you will have to pay for support on the glasses, at 23% of list price per annum.

Oracle Standard Edition

hennessy0.jpg

With Oracle Standard Edition, I recommend a  pint of Hennessy with a silicone flask cover to ensure you have a good grip on your booze and yourself. Both the Hennessy and Standard Edition fit “affordable and full featured”, if by full featured they mean “keeps you warm in the data centre”. If you are using Standard Edition, you can’t afford those grown up bottles yet because they aren’t paying you Larry rates. Plus the silicone will remind you of… (Ed.- STOP.  Right there.  Just STOP.  Me: Okay!!! {shhh…I may refactor this when my editor is sleeping off his turkey.})

Sybase

File:Honey-Fruit-Mead-Brewing.jpg

Oh, the father of SQL Server, sort of.  At least they have a common ancestor in the evolution of databases.  Do people use this DBMS anymore?  I’m so old experienced that I can remember when Sybase was called SQL Server 6.5 (Ed. – I don’t think that’s true.  Me: Shhh..don’t yell so loud. I’m sampling here.  And I’ve lost my Glog.  Mead…whatever.)

If you are supporting this DBMSs, I recommend mead. Because your Sybase DBA has been around so long it was probably his first drink. Don’t get me wrong: fruit, alcohol, honey – it’s all good stuff.   If you use Sybase as a special one-off DBMS to support a vendor package, I recommend a can of Redbull and a shot of whatever you find under the sink in Executive washroom.  Even if it’s a cleaning product. Maybe add a teaspoon of honey.

DB2

File:Burning Manhattan Cocktail.png

Ah, DB2. One of the first fully relational databases (Sorry, Ted) I ever worked with. I’d have to say that this classic DBMS, in mainframe, client server and whatever zombie hellspawn we classify AS/400 Power i as will always be close to my heart.  I want to go old school here, but still classy, so I’m going to recommend a Manhattan. Who can’t love rye (“Canadian whisky”), sweet vermouth and a cherry? Really, this is the only “manly” drink that legitimately requires a cherry.  For the Power i series, I’ll have to go a bit more retro and recommend that you just pick up some fallen fruit in your office parking lot.  It’s probably well fermented at this time of year.

 

SQL Server

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SQL Server 2008 R2D2 and earlier
I recommend here Tito’s Vodka in airline bottles. Prior to version 2012, SQL Server was primarily licensed with a server + CALS licensing scheme. You bought a server license, plus CALs for each user/device/whatever your salesperson said needed a license.  I like Tito’s vodka. It’s good and affordable. Plus I can buy airline bottles of it on the plane which helps me with portion control, much like those 100 calorie snack packs of Oreos one eats to lose weight. So I’m told. FYI: a good flight attendant cuts you off after 6 of these little bottles. A bad one cuts you off after two. A fantastic flight attendant says "Oh, did I give you your 6 bottles already? No? Okay, have these." The same thing worked well with CALs – the more you had the happier everyone one was.  It was easy to plan for new servers because this is the way it had always been done. But now….

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Then along came SQL Server 2012 and a new licensing model. CALs were gone and core licensing came along. That means magnum 6+ litre-sized bottles of vodka for everyone! But not everyone can afford to fill those magnum bottles to the top with high-priced vodka. The good news is if you’ve already purchased giant bottles, you can pour out a few core’s worth of liquid to save money. Then cry about the room in the bottle that could be filled with vodka but isn’t.  In the long run, the new licensing model is simpler.  But for now, you might just have to live with less kick until you can right-size your servers.

Microsoft Windows Azure SQL Database Azure SQL DB

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I’m not even sure what the brand name for cloud products are any more.  It’s not just Microsoft, either.  I figure since there are no boxes of DVDs to ship around, brand names change on a whim.  Just like trends in database design.  For Microsoft Azure cloud-based databases and datastores the good news is that you can just pay as you drink. Just like at your local bar. You don’t have to do much – most of the administration and maintenance is taken care of for you.  At work home I recommend you purchase a Star Trek Replicator and order a Blue Cloud cocktail every time you create a database. The good news is you can also have them delivered. This is known as Cocktail as a Service (CaaS). You need to go put this into your cloud budget request now, before we hit year end. Do it now.

Finally…

These pairings are based on my experiences purchasing, renting, and borrowing these technologies.  Your mileage may vary.  If so, I’d love to hear about it below.  And yes, I have more pairings coming soon about other data formats and databases (Ed. – Please promise me you aren’t going to write about NoSQL datab…datastores.  Me: I promise {I will}).

Thanks to my co-samplers & writers Joey D’Antoni (blog | @jdanton ), Karen’s Whisky (@karens_whisky) and Thomas LaRock (blog | @sqlrockstar)  You should follow them because they know booze and snark.

You might also like: 5 Things to Do to Help Your Family’s Tech Ecosystem Over the Holidays with Pairings

PASS Summit 2014 Speaker Idol—Judging You, Part I

Nov 13, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, DLBlog, Fun, Speaking, SQL Server  //  No Comments

PASS Summit Judges/Judgey Table Sign

This year we had a new item at the 2014 PASS Summit: Speaker Idol. Run by Denny Cherry ( blogs | @mrdenny ), this is a contest where people who have never been selected to speak at Summit get the opportunity to win a golden ticket (an automatic speaking slot) at Summit 2015. To win, speakers must put together a 5 minute lightning talk, then impress the judges more than any other speaker in the competition.

I competed in a similar contest at TechEd two years ago. The difficult part about this is there are no criteria for which you can prepare. You don’t know what the judges think are good habits or what topics they might enjoy. They might even give conflicting advice. It takes a lot of courage to stand up in front of a crowd, give your presentation, then be critiqued by others in front of a crowd.

A few of us judges are blogging today about the things we commented on to the presenters:

Denny Cherry discusses the overall process used to put it all together

Joey D’Antoni focused mostly on physical presence while speaking

If others blog, I’ll update this post with links.

Today I’m going to continue on with Joey’s theme of physical presence.

Move, But Don’t Wander

It’s really difficult when you are stressed or nervous to get the timing and location of moving around right. Some people hug the lectern as if they are on flight experiencing extreme turbulence. Others pace back and forth like a caged animal hungry for fresh meat. At some conferences at Summit, this is compounded by a speaker set up where there’s a table, a lectern and several chairs. The AV equipment is often taped or strapped down so that your laptop must be located on the lectern. I find this annoying because presenting isn’t the same as giving a speech. Presenting and training involve more discussions with the audience and need more engagement than just speaking at a group of people.

The raised podium effect also means that moving around can lead to falling off the stage. Not a good thing.

Joey gave advice to stand with your feet together. I usually give other advice: stand with your feet shoulder’s width apart, then move your feet about 3 inches further apart. This sort of forces you to stay put for a while because it feels slightly off, but not enough to make it feel awkward. It’s harder to move out of that stance and it tends to be a more powerful, competent looking to the audience. Move around to ensure you aren’t blocking the same audience members for your whole presentation. Move to show that you and the audience are working together to learn.

Remember: pacing back and forth is bad, but taking a few steps in a variety of directions can help you engage different members of the audience. Have a purpose when you move.

A Mic Changes Everything

Most speakers would prefer not to use a microphone. A hand mic plus a remote means both our hands are tied up. A lavaliere mic (one that clips on your shirt and has a pack that has to be stuck in a pocket or worn in the back) means everything you do or say is being amplified. But when sessions are recorded, broadcast or in large rooms, audio equipment is mandatory.

One of the more common mistakes the speakers made was leaning forward then turning their heads to read the slides on the screen. This meant that as they were talking, they were talking away from the mic. We judges were in the front row and I had a hard time hearing what was said.

The trick is to turn your whole body when you are mic-ed up. Do this even when you are turning to speak to an audience member and to highlight something on the screen.

Remember: The audio portion of your presentation is just as important as the visuals. Probably even more important.

Don’t Read Your Slides to the Audience

This is a tough habit to break, especially if you are running short on time. It’s the most common feedback I hear from people who are attending sessions and are frustrated by the speaker. This is especially common with lightning talks because time is so limited. If you read your slides to the audience, you are basically showing them that you don’t really need to be there speaking. You could just email blast out your slides and be sitting in the bar enjoying a conference-themed beverage.

One of the ways to break this habit is to have fewer words on your slides. More on this later.

Another way is to have speaker notes that you can see when you are presenting. These should have different words/bullet points and that will force you to explain things in different words. PowerPoint shows these notes when you are in presentation mode.

The best way to break this habit, though, is to not look at your slides when you speak. Look at the audience. Engage with them. Offer insights into what is on the slides, but do that while having a conversation with the audience.

Remember: You are there to give insights and to engage with the audience. Your slides are there to support that, not the other way around.

More…

One of the more interesting things about being a judge is that we all talked about how we are also guilty of many of these speaker vices.  We recognized that while we were giving all this advice, we all needed to take care when we presented, too.  I’m sure it was difficult for the contestants to be judged in public.  It was difficult for us doing that as well.

I’ve blogged about what to do when something goes wrong during your presentation, but I’ll be blogging about those things and more as part of this series.  I’ll be talking about equipment, preparation and delivery. Plus being judge-y Smile.

#SQLPASS #SUMMIT14 #MVPSUMMIT Checklist–50 Things Not to Leave Behind

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shared some of these on Twitter, but I decided to pull them all together in one place.  There’s be a lot of tips shared prior to these events, but I think these haven’t been covered nearly enough.

  1. Laptop Power cord
  2. Spare batteries
  3. USB charger ends
  4. VGA adapter/dongle
  5. Presentation clicker
  6. Presentation on thumb drive
  7.  Compassion for those with difficulties
  8.  Bravery to meet people in person
  9.  Spirit to lift others up
  10.  Daring to try something new
  11.  Firmness to speak up
  12.  Care for not insulting others
  13.  Humility to ask real questions
  14.  Talent to discourage Strutters
  15.  Expertise to think of audience, not self
  16.  Restraint not to sell from the podium
  17.  Civility to be nice to everyone, not just the celebs
  18.  Class not to spam the crowd
  19.  Excellence to understand that not everyone speaks English well.
  20.  Integrity to disclose your biases and affiliations
  21.  Professionalism not to cuss
  22.  Readiness to help others
  23.  Genuineness to show your real self
  24.  Trust that others want you to succeed
  25.  Diligence to keep your promises
  26.  Concern for others who have less experience than you
  27.  Coolness to get through tough discussions
  28.  Kindness for others
  29.  Goofiness to have fun
  30.  Self-discipline to take care of your body
  31.  Prudence to take care of your mind
  32.  Sincerity to admit your mistakes
  33.  Preparedness for your presentation.
  34.  Openness to constructive feedback
  35.  Honesty to admit “I do not know”
  36.  Expertise to answer questions
  37.  Mindfulness to know when you are not helping
  38.  Charity for others who disagree with you
  39.  Expertise to know when to not try to answer questions
  40.  Empathy for others
  41.  Respect for self
  42.  Wisdom to know that you can’t have self respect without empathy for others
  43.  Forethought to pack well
  44.  Vigilance to call out bullying and disrespect
  45.  Courage to meet others who are different than you
  46.  Strength to deal
  47.  Moderation to get to tomorrow
  48.  Stamina for long days
  49.  Thankfulness for volunteers and staff
  50.  Joy for cheering on others

What did I forget on this list?

Yet Another Odd Job Criterion

Aug 26, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Careers, Database, DLBlog, Interviewing, Professional Development, WTF  //  2 Comments

I’ve seen this a few times.  I’d like to think it just a cut-and-paste error, or someone doing alcohol-driven job postings, but I’m guessing these sorts of things are used to, let’s say, target certain candidates.

 

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Here’s a blurb from another posting, courtesy of a government contractor:

 

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But if you think Business Analysts have it bad, look to see what this upstate NY retailer thinks they need in a Data Analyst

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And don’t get me started on someone looking to hire a Data Analyst to be a a “Data Cop” for $35k a year. I don’t care how “generous” the benefits are.

Here are the rest of those Data Analyst job requirements:

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He-men Only

I don’t see anything in the job description that requires the ability to lift 70 pounds frequently. I can only guess is helping move the bodies.

When recruiters issue silly job postings, this is a major sign that they aren’t serious about the posting.  Just give them a pass.

And ladies, start doing bicep curls and push ups. You are going to have a difficult time meeting that requirement without weight training. But perhaps that’s the point after all.  All that data stuff is really hard work.

It’s Just a Hardware Problem…

Jul 16, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Fun, Snark  //  No Comments

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Make Your Data Work for You

Jul 12, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Fun, Snark  //  No Comments

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Strutting: We all Know When You are Doing It. So Stop.

Jun 25, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, DLBlog  //  No Comments

Rant Level: High. It’s Friday. 

Kanye West Ruins Taylor Swift's VMAs Win

 

I was reading an ACM blog post by Judy Robertson about strutting, a tactic used by audience members at event.  Robertson discusses a specific type of this behaviour, done by IT people: nerd strutting

Garvin-Doxas and Barker (2004) refer to "strutting" as a style of interaction where people show off their knowledge by asking questions carefully designed to demonstrate that they know a lot about the topic, and quite possibly that they know more than everyone else around them. The problem with this in a learning situation is that students who lack confidence assume that they are the only person who doesn’t understand, and quickly feel even more demoralised.

The full paper is available if you’d like to read about the study these researchers did on Defensive Climate in the Computer Science Classroom.

I’m betting you’ve seen this behaviour before.  In fact, I’d bet that if you attend enough events, you could name the people most likely to nerd strut before the speaker has even gotten 15 minutes into her presentation.  They ask questions, often sprinkled with references to product codenames, Greek philosophers, small startups and archaic error numbers.   They use highly jargonized terms.  They use insider terms. They want you to feel outside the inner circle.  They want you to know just how freaking smart they are.  But you know what’s funny?  The vast majority of the people in the room can see what they are doing and silently smirk.   

I’m interested in hearing just what sorts of people fall for this bravado.  Everyone else in the room talks about how insanely annoying the behaviour is, but no one wants to do anything about it.  I’m not even sure what we can do about it, other than to ask audience members to stop.  

Insults R Us

Another tactic that nerd strutters do is sit in the audience and stage whisper criticisms of the speaker and the topics.  I find this incredibly annoying as an audience member.  It doesn’t impress me, nor does it make me feel as if the strutmaster is actually convincing anyone he is superior. A variation of this is a group of people, chatting with each other and loudly snickering about the speaker or the topic.   

If you are sitting in a presentation and you find it too "level 100” for your tastes, you should just get up and find a presentation more fitting for your enormous brain…or whatever body part is keeping you from learning anything.

Why it Matters

I know, some of you are saying “But Karen, just ignore the @$$#@+s that do this stuff”.  I do, mostly.  However, Garvin-Doxas and Barker found that the effect of many types of negative communication, even when it was not intended, has a negative impact on many students, especially women.  Yes, women should suck it up and learn to play the game of competition.  But we don’t do it that well.  In general, women prefer a collaborative environment.   We love a bit of friendly competition. But one where team members insult others in public? Not so much.

The authors point to the fact that IT work is highly collaborative.  Supporting and enabling a culture of jabs, insults, mockery and distain works against that goal.  I hear people constantly ranting that topic X should not be on a conference agenda because it is isn’t what *they* want  learn.  I say “choose another session – there are several other tracks”.  When I see someone nerd strut in front of an entire audience, I want to call them out – tell them they are showing off.  We can all tell when a question isn’t really a question. I don’t call people out on this, though, because no one else does.

What to Do

Robertson gives 3 tips in her blog post on dealing with nerd strutting.  Go read them.  I’d love to see the community deal with this in a consistent, collaborative way.

I’d like to add to them:

1. Encourage others to ask questions during presentations.  One of the reasons why many nerd strutters can do what they do, often several times in the same session, is that very few people ask questions or give commentary.  If enough people are asking legitimate questions, then the strutters get less show time.

2. Ask the Insult R Us people to take their conversation elsewhere. It’s annoying enough to hear anyone ramble on while you are trying to listen to the speaker.  It’s not rude or unfair to ask people, no matter what they are talking about, to either be quiet or to wander somewhere else.

3. Stand up to people who insult the work of others.  This one is the biggest pet peeve of mine.  It’s fine for people to be proud of their own work.  It’s not cool for them to insult the work of others just because they think it’s easy or low-level stuff. I don’t just draw boxes and lines all day.  BI professionals don’t just draw bar charts all day.  Developers don’t just type all day.  We all have difficult jobs.  I don’t need to step on someone else to raise myself up.  I will continue to speak out to the people who need to insult others.  I’m hoping you can, too.

Community Impact

From the paper:

Finally, when people communicate certainty in a dogmatic fashion, they also tend to communicate a low tolerance for disagreement. When defensive communication becomes habitual in a social context, it engenders a "defensive climate." Distrust of others becomes the norm, resulting in a social environment privileging competition over cooperation.

We all need to recognize that this negative behaviour hurts everyone.  It poisons the community.  It drives people away, especially new community members and those who want to work together to solve problems and build the community.   And we all need to work together to keep people focused on making the community an inclusive, inviting environment.

Garvin-Doxas, K. and Barker, L. J. 2004. Communication in computer science classrooms: understanding defensive climates as a means of creating supportive behaviors. J. Educ. Resour. Comput. 4, 1 (Mar. 2004), 2. DOI= http://doi.acm.org/10.1145/1060071.1060073

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