Join me in Kansas City this week — it’s a throwdown!

I’m headed to Kansas City this Thursday to speak at the Kansas City SQL Server User Group and then on Saturday to present at the Kansas City SQL Saturday. I’d love to see you there.

On Thursday, 2 August I’ll be debating with Tom LaRock (@sqlrockstar), giving a preview of our SQL Saturday presentation of Database Design Throwdown: The Trailer.  In this wonderful smackdown, I’ll be talking about the importance of data quality, integrity and data governance while preparing database designs. I’m pretty sure Tom will be spouting wildly crazy, kooky ideas about performance, optimizing design to make life easier for DBAs and … I have no idea what else.  Probably bacon.  We won’t be giving the same presentation as on Saturday — it will be more of a trailer version of that.  Oh, wait…that doesn’t quite sound right.  It will be a teaser.  Yeah.  Something like that.  A teaser.

Kansas City SQL Server User Group

Details about the SQL Server User Group meeting:

Time

• 3:45 – 3:50 Greeting and Housekeeping
• 3:50 – 5:00 Database Design Throwdown: The Trailer
• 5:00 – 5:15 Door prizes and wrap up

Topic: Database Design Throwdown: A Trailer
Date:  August 2nd, 2012
Speaker: Thomas LaRock versus Karen Lopez

Overview: If a man is alone in the forest and there is no woman around to watch him design a database is he still wrong? Join us in this highly interactive debate regarding the options and best practices of common and advanced design issues such as natural versus surrogate keys, NULL versus NOT NULL, data quality versus performance, and others. Bring your opinions and experience and join the discussion.

About Speakers:

Thomas LaRock is a seasoned IT professional with over a decade of technical and management experience. Currently serving as a senior database administrator with Confio Software, Thomas has progressed through several roles including programmer, analyst, and DBA. Prior to that, he worked at several software and consulting companies, working at customer sites in the United States and abroad. Thomas holds a MS degree in Mathematics from Washington State University and is a member of the Usability Professional’s Association. Thomas also currently serves on the Board of Directors for the Professional Association for SQL Server (PASS), is a SQL Server MVP, and can also be found blogging at http://thomaslarock.com and is the author of DBA Survivor: Become a Rock Star DBA (http://dbasurvivor.com).

Karen Lopez is Sr. Project Manager and Architect at InfoAdvisors, Inc. Karen is a frequent speaker at conferences and user groups. She has 20+ years of experience in project and data management on large, multi-project programs. Karen specializes in the practical application of data management principles. Karen is also the ListMistress and moderator of the InfoAdvisors Discussion Groups at www.infoadvisors.com.

Location:

8700 State Line Road
Suite 200L
Leawood, KS 66206  (map)

Data Model Driven Database Design

On Saturday, 4 August I will be presenting at the Kansas City SQL Saturday (aka #SQLSat159 — don’t get me started on why they use a surrogate key as their names for these…) on Model Driven Database Design

Model-Driven Database Design

Model-Driven Database Development: Myths, Magic and Methods. In this presentation, Karen discusses data model-driven database development from the point of view of the Data Architect, the DBA, and the Developer. She will cover topics such as "Who does what?", "Why are we doing this?", "Do I have to Use a GUI?" and "Just who do you think you are?". Demos, too. Finally, 10 tips for making model-driven database development successful in your organization’s culture and environment.

Session Level: Beginner

Location: Cerner Corporation’s Riverport Campus, 6711 NE Birmingham Rd, Kansas City, MO, 64117

And Tom and I will be doing our full debate on Database Design: The Throwdown, as described above.  Registration is required for the SQL Saturday, but it’s totally free – you get swag, prizes and access to some of the best speakers in the SQL Server community.  I attended this last year in Kansas City and they did a fabulous job.  You want to be there, too.

Pass it on…

If you think about it, each of your role models had role models to guide them. I know many men and women for whom Sally Ride showed them the way. Each of us carries with us the insight and inspiration that we saw in others. We are sharing what we saw in her with those that come after us.

Nichelle Nichols (@RealNichelle) shares her story of meeting Sally Ride after NASA engaged Nichelle to help recruit more minority candidates:

“She once thanked me for my recruitment efforts while under contract to NASA, saying “If it hadn't been for you I might not be here.”

Nichelle inspired Sally and Sally inspired me (they both did, actually). Now I want to pass that along. That's why I spend time working to ensure that girls know that there are great jobs, rewarding careers, and fabulous opportunities in the STEM world.

What have you done, today, to inspire someone else?

Be The Next Microsoft Employee: @Data_Model and @VenusBarbie get makeovers – Behind the Scenes

As I shared with you previously, I’m a guest judge on Microsoft Learning’s new reality show, Be The Next Microsoft Employee.  In this contest, four SQL Server DBAs compete for a chance to work at Microsoft.  They have to go through all the normal Microsoft interview processes PLUS compete in front of cameras, crew and the Internet on a series of data-related challenges. The challenge I participated in, filmed on the Microsoft campus, was the last one and it was a doozy.

It should be no surprise to you that I took the Technical Barbies (@Data_Model and @VenusBarbie) along for the filming.  Since this was a hiring contest, I also brought along Working Woman Barbie, who comes with a suit that also turns into a glittery dance dress for after work fun.  Working Woman Barbie can talk, too.  She says fun things, but she talks too much about Ken.

When we arrived at the shoot, the first thing the Barbies got was a professional makeover.  Stylist Mimi Pettibone of StellarStyle.com has previous professional experience styling Barbies and action figures.  HOW LUCKY WAS THAT?  Mimi also gave me some great tips about styling and posing the Barbies.  Fishing line seems to be a key component.  I also showed her how I used clear braid rubber bands to help keep Barbie from losing her cell phone and shoes.  Just like I do.  Or should.

I live by a man’s code, designed to fit a man’s world, yet at the same time I never forget that a woman’s first job is to choose the right shade of lipstick.
- Carole Lombard

I’m not sure I agree with Ms. Lombard there, but both the Barbies and I had to wear lipstick for this shoot.  That’s how I knew I was on a reality show…just a different type of reality.

We took some before and after pictures.  I think I pretty much looked the same as VenusBarbie.  Mimi worked wonders with me.

Mimi did a fabulous job, don’t you think?

Let’s Talk Agile Development and Data Modeling…Friends or Frenemies?

I’ll be joining host Graeme Simsion (@graemesimsion) and panelists  Terry Buino, John Giles, and Chris Woodruff for a lively and (I’m hoping) contentious discussion about Data Modeling in an Agile Environment.  This free webinar event will be hosted by Dataversity.net as part of their monthly series on data management issues.

We invite you to join us in this monthly DATAVERSITY webinar series, “Big Challenges with Data Modeling” hosted by Graeme Simsion. Join Graeme and two or more expert panelists each month to discuss their experiences in breaking through these specific data modeling challenges. Hear from experts in the field on how and where they came across these challenges and what resolution they found. Join them in the end for the Q&A portion to ask your own questions on the challenge topic of the month.

We four panelists come from a variety of backgrounds.  Two of us are Microsoft MVPs, one just wrote a book on Agile Data Modeling and another calls himself a born-again agilist.  Graeme is always the stimulating and controlling jocular host at these events…he’d have to be to manage the characters he has to herd in just a short period of time.

Many data architects and modelers tell me that they can’t or won’t work on agile projects.  Or that they’ve heard that there are no data models in agile approaches.  Worse, they’ve attended presentations by certain industry pundits who have been so anti-architecture that they don’t understand why anyone would attempt this.  But it’s not that way in practice.  Most of my projects over the last few years have been agile or SCRUM.  So I’m going to bring my experiences and stories to discussion, along with tips that I have for working on a software-focused delivery methodology. 

Find out whether agile is your friend or frenemy.

All you have to do is register to attend.  It’s free, too.

Data Governance and Stewardship Workshop, Chicago, 25 Jul – Join Me, We’ll Have a Blast

On behalf of Embarcadero Technologies, I’m leading a workshop on Data Governance and Stewardship in Chicago, IL on 25 July.   This event is free to attend; all you have to do is register.

We’ll be talking about:
Effective data governance and stewardship is a crucial component of every business. InfoAdvisors’ Principal Consultant, Karen Lopez, will share essential guidance on:

• Leveraging enterprise data as a corporate asset
• Tips, tricks, and traps to avoid when developing a data governance program
• Managing business expectations cost-effectively and time-efficiently

Karen will also reveal highlights on compliance and policy programs from recent discussions with data professionals in the US Federal Government and Industry organizations.

Karen is a Senior Project Manager and Architect at InfoAdvisors with more than twenty years of experience helping organizations implement large, multi-project programs. She specializes in taking practical approaches to systems development and has helped many IT departments choose appropriate methods and standards, based on the department’s culture, experience, and focus. Karen is the Moderator of InfoAdvisors/ITBoards.com IRM discussion groups, an online community of several thousand data management professionals and is also on the Board of Advisors for DAMA International and Zachman International. For more information, visit http://www.infoadvisors.com.

Data Governance Workshop Details

Date:        July 25, 2012
Time:        2-4pm
Location:  Discover Campus

2500 Lake Cook Road
RW2 Platinum Room
Riverwoods, IL 60015

Phone: 224-405-0900

I hope to make this interactive and fun.  There may also be space photos….

Wait…You don’t want to be our customer anymore?

Today I received yet another bill from Allstream, our telecommunications provider for our toll-free number.   It was only for $5, but there was a problem…I’d cancelled my account with them a couple of months ago.  Yet they were still sending a bill.  The call went like this, for the most part:

Me: This is my 3rd call* to cancel my services

Allstream: Your services are all disconnected

Me: But I’m still getting billed.

Allstream: Yes.

Me: Why am I still getting billed?

Allstream: That’s our customer charge**.

Me: What the f….?

Allstream: You didn’t cancel being a customer, so your account is still active even though your services aren’t.

Me: <redacted>

Allstream:…<pause>…..so did you want to cancel that?

Me: Yes, and I’m not going to pay this bill, either.

Allstream: Well, this one time*** we will waive that charge.

Me: You bet it’s one time.

Allstream: I’ve cancelled your customer account.  Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: No.

Allstream: Thank you for doing business with Allstream.

Me: <click>

* When we tried to cancel the first time, Rob called to do the cancellation, but they had to confirm with me.  So he got me on the phone and I confirmed.  Then days later, while I was on the road, they left a message asking if I really wanted to cancel or did I want to upgrade to something else.  I didn’t return their call, so they cancelled the cancellation. And they continued to bill me. Seems they really didn’t want me to cancel.

**Customer charges are becoming the norm for services, at least here in Ontario.  Business tack on these charges so that they can advertise lower rates for their core services.  All the utilities and service companies do this.  It’s just a charge for the cost of you being a customer.  Because you are a liability to them, not an asset.  They must charge you for the right to charge you.  Or something like that.

*** One time fixes always get me going.  It must be fun to say that only this one time will the company fix their errors.  It really does make me want to run to find their competitor.

IT: The Enabler

I wonder what it’s like to work on project that support these inane business rules.  How do project managers, business analysts, data architects, DBAs, devs et al sit through meetings and write up these requirements?  How do people just sit back and implement these sorts of rules, rules that clearly work against the customers and ultimately the bottom line?  Do you write all your requirements in Comic Sans?  Do you get free sodas and bottled water? A foosball table? Sure, jobs are tight and the economy is bad, but how do you bring yourselves to do this without having to take a 20 minute hot shower when you get home every night?