Was I Too Snarky? A Big Data NoSQL Roast

At Enterprise Data World last week I had a chance to defend my crown at the Lightning Talk sessions.  Lightning Talks are 5 minute presentations, usually done to highlight one point or to motivate people to go do something.

Most of my lightning talks, though, are rants on some thing.  Think a 5-minute long roast.  This year, I picked on Big Data and NoSQL names and terms.  While it appears that one person didn’t fully grasp the "roast" part of this rant, I think I did okay. At least most of the laughter wasn’t at me, but with me.

Mark Burnelli, Senior New Editor at SearchDataManagment.techtarget.com wrote an article about my rant:

The humorous verbal shellacking of big data — which generated plenty of audience laughs — came at the hands of Karen Lopez, a senior project manager and principal consultant with InfoAdvisors Inc. Lopez is also proprietor of the popular Datachick Twitter feed and often uses that outlet to post admittedly snarky comments about the world of information management.

Datachick gives ‘big data’ a verbal beat down at Enterprise Data World

I did start my presentation by saying:

By the way, every single one of these rants is totally unfair, cherry picked and irreverent.  I know. It’s shocking.

I will be blogging the entire rant over on Dataversity.net and will post here when it goes live.

Update:

• My blog post with the Big Data rant is now up on Dataversity.
• John Biderman has blogged there about his NoSQL Epiphany.
• Paul Williams coved this rant in is Overview of Enterprise Data World 2012.

I should also mention, to those of you snickering, that I am currently drafting a similar rant for the RDBMS technology/naming/terminology set.  It will also be full of snark.  Shocking, I know.

I’m Speaking at Enterprise Data World – Atlanta

I’m not sure, but I think I’ve been attending the Enterprise Data World event (formerly the Wilshire Meta-Data/DAMA Symposium) since 1998 and speaking at most of them.  There’s a reason I keep going back: this is my annual "revival" for networking and collaborating with other data professionals.  I need that fix, every 12 months or so, to focus on sharing and caring about data modeling, database design and tools.

This year the event will be held in Atlanta, so at least we’ll be warmer than some years, right?  I remember a particularly freezing March in Boston.  I don’t want to repeat that, ever.

By the way, there is still time to register and I believe there is still a $100 discount available.  If you can’t find that, contact me and I’ll see what I can do for you <grin>.

My Events

This is a busy year for me at EDW.

Kick-off Panel: I’ll be part of the "Welcome Panel" moderated by Tony Shaw of Dataversity.  Jaime Fitzgerald, Peter Aiken, Sue Gueuns and I will be talking about our tips for getting the most out of the event, including our recommendations for the sessions we most want to attend.

http://edw2012.dataversity.net/sessionPop.cfm?confid=65&proposalid=4803

Size Doesn’t Matter: I’ll be defending my Talk Champion crown sweatshirt at this year’s Lightning Talks.  All other speakers, be warned.  I talk FAST.  I’m also known for going for the cheap jokes that get votes.

http://edw2012.dataversity.net/sessionPop.cfm?confid=65&proposalid=4813

ER/Studio Special Interest Group: I’ll be leading a user-to-user discussion of Embarcadero and their database and data modeling tools. We will have Embarcadero reps there to contribute, but this is still a user group meeting.  You don’t have to be a current customer to attend.

By the way, there are also SIGs for CA ERwin Data Modeler and Sybase PowerDesigner going on at other times. 

http://edw2012.dataversity.net/sessionPop.cfm?confid=65&proposalid=4505

Finding Myself: A Case Study on Your Data Model, My Data and Me:  This is my regular session at the event, where I take a snarky look at how your systems mess with my data…and how I pay the price for that messiness.  I hope you’ll join me for this irreverent look at cost, benefit and risk choices that "they" make when "they" manage our data. 

http://edw2012.dataversity.net/sessionPop.cfm?confid=65&proposalid=4496

Data Modeling Power Panel – Contemporary Issues in Modeling:  I’ll be participating in Alec Sharp‘s panel along with Michael Blaha and David Hay on forward-looking topics in data modeling and management.  My topic will focus on NoSQL, especially extensions to relational DBMSs.

John Zachman

This year marks the 30th year since John Zachman shared his Zachman Framework with the world. There will be a special event on Wednesday evening to recognize his contributions to enterprise architecture over the last three decades. 

Social

Of course in addition to all the great sessions, there will be social events and time for catching up on what other data professionals have been up to since I saw them last year in Chicago.

For those of you who can’t make it, a bunch of us will be tweeting using the hashtag #EDW12.  You can follow along on Twitter, even if you aren’t signed up for it, by going to http://search.twitter.com and searching for "EDW12"

I hope to see you and get a chance to chat with you at this year’s EDW.  That’s why I go…the sessions are great, but the chance to share ideas, tips, tricks and data stories is what keeps me coming back.

I Was Young and Didn’t Know Any Better #24HOP Panel

I’m moderating a panel for 24 Hours of PASS on the topic of making mistakes…and how to recover from them.  

Our session is at 2 PM EDT, 21 March.

I Was Young and Didn’t Know Any Better

I have an all-star panel:

Grant Fritchey ( blog | @gfritchey )

Tim Ford ( blog | @sqlagentman )

Stacia Misner ( blog | @staciamisner )

Tracy McKibben ( blog | @realsqlguy )

Mike Walsh ( blog | @mike_walsh )

Each of us will be telling about times we messed things up, then how we recovered from those mistakes.  We’ll also be taking questions

It’s free to register for the panel and all the other 24HOP events.  

We’ve all been there: Something went wrong and mistakes were made. We identified the problem, corrected it, and took steps to ensure that the same type of mistake wouldn’t happen again. But what about the times when we took actions that we knew at the time we were going to regret? Did we really make failure a greater option on our project?

This group of SQL Server professionals will talk about times they messed up—even when they should have known better—and how they have changed their approaches to getting stuff done with fewer mistakes. We will also cover 5 tips on dealing with the organizational politics of making mistakes.

Session takeaways:

• Get lessons learned about how to respond to mistakes and errors made while working with databases and data
• Learn tips and techniques for ensuring fewer mistakes
• Identify 5 [too many to count] tips for dealing with the politics of mistakes

Preview to Tuesday, 7 February Webinar on Tailoring Data Models

Here’s a preview data model for my webinar on 7 February (yes, today!) at 1PM EST.  My topic is Help your Business Love its Data (Models): Tailoring Data Models for your Audience and it’s Part 2 of a three part serious on Getting Down to Business, sponsored by CA.

It’s free to register at https://www.ca.com/us/events/webcasts/na/Lets-Get-Down-to-Business-Help-your-Business-Love-its-Data-Models/02-07-2012.aspx

This is what I’ll be covering:

7 Feb 2012
1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. EST

Duration 60 min.

There’s no one data model hiding in your modeling tool. There are actually thousands of them – not just multiple data model files, but different views and presentations of the same data model, each one ready to be used by different purposes and outcomes. In this session, Karen Lopez will discuss the steps in of preparing and presenting the “right” data model for the right audience, as well as making them accessible via the web. We will also cover the 10 tips for ensuring that your audience is happy they attended the data model presentation and looks forward to attending the next one.

As usual for my presentations, this will have a bit of snark and talk about good things to do in business data models an show some anti-patterns for modeling, too.  That’s probably where the snark will come it.  Can’t guarantee it, but it sounds about right.

Bring your ideas about tailoring the presentations  of data models or any type of design.  Oh, and if you have any action figures, bring those, too.

1 Second Guide to Not Being a Jerk on GoToMeeting

If you aren’t presenting, MUTE THYSELF.  This isn’t rocket surgery, folks.  Your office background noise doesn’t make you more important.  The fact that you are taking this call from an airport doesn’t impress me.  The fact that you must take a call while you are on the meeting isn’t a positive thing.  The fact that you are multitasking doesn’t make me like you more.  The fact you work from home and have a dog is not cute.  Okay, it is, but we don’t need to know.

If you are a fan of Wil Wheaton, you can also share this in his meme, Don’t be a Dick

Please share this with all your frenemies.

I’m Speaking at #SQLSat104 Colorado Springs 7 January 2012

I’ll be leading a discussion on Database Design Contentious Issues on 7 January in Colorado Springs.  This event is FREE, and there’s a $10 charge if you’d like to have lunch.  A full day of learning and networking all provided due to the support of vendors in the SQL Server community.  How awesome is that?

Database Design Contentious Issues

A highly interactive and popular session where attendees evaluate the options and best practices of common and advanced design issues, such as: * Natural vs. Surrogate keys * Classwords and other Naming Standards * Varchar Minimums *Identity Crisis * Who Calls the Shots and Who Does What? …and others. Bring your votes, your debates, and your opinions.

Session Level: Intermediate

This session is part debate, part therapy and part rant.  It’s my most popular presentation and I’d love to see you there.   This presentation also involves physical activity and hands on stuff.  A perfect afternoon slot for this, too.

Women in Technology

I’m also participating in the Women in Technology table at lunch with Meredith Ryan-Smith (Web | Twitter), Rebecca Mitchell (Web | Twitter) and Thomas LaRock (Web | Twitter).

More Fun Than Should be Legal

There’s a whole lot of great stuff packed into this SQLSaturday. Did you know that there will be professional resume writers there to take a look at your resume and give you feedback?  Or that there will be laser tag, bowling and miniature golf? There’s even a #SQLSki event planned.

On the Friday before, there are even 3 pre-cons scheduled:

1. “Scaling SQL Server” (Glenn Berry) 
2. “Data Warehouse Dimensional Design and Architecture Planning” (Erik Veerman)
3. “What’s In Your Utility Belt?” (Chris Shaw and TJay Belt)

These cost only $100 — a great deal for a day of training.

The Schedule

Isn’t that a great line up of speakers and content?  Why wouldn’t you want to be there?

Join us for a fun day of socializing, networking and fun.